


Gathering Votes and Firewood

by The Happy Hufflepuff (ijustthink)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Survivor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crossover, Drabble, Harry Potter: Survivor AU, I'm taking it very seriously., Is this crack?, Multi, This is rated T for some language and Snape laying some harsh truth bombs on people, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 15:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20293741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijustthink/pseuds/The%20Happy%20Hufflepuff
Summary: In which Serverus desperately tries to avoid being voted off the island by favoring his competitor's logical side.“Do you really think you can convince me to vote for Hagrid? My most loyal of allies! Honestly. The cheek.” Hermione’s tone sounded incredulous, but her volume remained quiet enough that only Snape would be able to hear their conversation. He took this as consent to continue trying.“Who’s a more imposing threat to you in challenges? Him or I?”“Hagrid can’t do puzzles.”





	Gathering Votes and Firewood

Severus Snape needed a plan. The last tribal council had not gone to his liking. He had played directly into their hands and not only lost his hidden immunity idol and thus, any further safety within the game, but his most loyal ally. He was prepared to take Peter all the way to the final three with him; he voted how he was told to vote, he was terrible at challenges, and he was detested by most. Yes, he would have been a safe bet to be sure.

Snape dug his feet into the cool sand beneath their hut and thought about his options. The clear choice for him was to somehow convince Minerva and two others to vote out Hagrid. But which two? Longbottom was useless and that ditzy blonde was unpredictable. No, he liked his odds much better with Granger and the Weasley girl. He scanned the beach for potential ambushing opportunities. If he could get one of them alone, he might be able to persuade them. 

Ginny Weasley was hunched over a small brass pot by the fire stirring their dinner of rice. Neville was with her feebly hacking at a coconut. In the water, Hagrid was wearing his trunks and nothing else. His great hairy belly hanging out over the surface as he floated. No sign of McGonagall or Luna anywhere. The only tribe member left was Hermione Granger who was busy collecting firewood a little ways down the beach. Perfect. 

“I think I’m going to go help Granger with the wood,” he said casually. Ginny gave him a suspicious glance. She looked toward her friend a few yards away who was now struggling to snap a large branch over her knee.  
“Don’t be long,” she replied coldly.  
Snape nodded and tugged on his dirty t-shirt, wincing as it settled over his shoulders and torso. Both his back and chest had turned a bright pink hue since arriving on the island several weeks ago. He decided he would rather suffer the potential heat stroke and wear his sweaty black polo then risk any more permanent damage to his skin.  
The sand was hot against his bare feet and he waddled down the beach as quickly as he could over into the shade where Hermione was working. She looked up to see who had joined her, and he nodded politely beginning to gather sticks. 

“Whos name are you writing down tonight?” he asked.  
She scoffed at his bluntness and responded in equal measure, “Yours.”  
Snape had anticipated this answer.  
“Hm,” he cocked his head to the side and waited for her to make eye contact before he began his debate.“You think it’s wise to allow your...biggest competition to reach the final five?” He nodded purposefully in the direction of the water where Hagrid was still sunbathing. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued adding kindling to her pile.  
“Do you really think you can convince me to vote for Hagrid? My most loyal of allies! Honestly. The cheek.” Hermione’s tone sounded incredulous, but her volume remained quiet enough that only Snape would be able to hear their conversation. He took this as consent to continue trying.  
“Who’s a more imposing threat to you in challenges? Him or I?”  
“Hagrid can’t do puzzles.”  
“Yes, obviously. Anyone could beat that bumbling idiot at a mental challenge- even that Loony Lovegood girl. Physically however, the rest of us fall short and Minerva has beaten me at puzzles before, as have you. Frankly, I’m out of my depth.” There was only a very small part of him that believed this to be true. Mostly he was astounded that half of his adversaries were here at all. Why Neville Longbottom had made it past the merge was beyond him. There was, however, a certain point in the game when modesty became key. 

“Alright fine. Think about who is on the jury. Do you really believe I’d hear the praises of Potter and that arrogant godfather of his? Or anyone else left on this beach? Certainly not. I am far less of a threat than you think.” He could see the gears turning in Hermione’s head but she wasn’t biting. He dropped his armful of branches and twigs and jostled down the beach getting in front of her and placing his hands firmly on her shoulders, “Mrs. Granger, I had hoped you would be more self-aware than this.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” She glared at him, shoving him away and quickly glancing up to the campsite to see if anyone was watching them. It was time to push harder.  
“It means one can likely assume that your gentle giant companion would win the hearts of the masses easier than a prudish and plain know-it-all with a stick up her arse, and a history of blindsides.”

Hermione was nonplussed. She stood there frozen staring at Severus Snape for a long moment. He was right. She knew it, and he knew that she knew it.  
“We wouldn’t have the votes,” she muttered at last, small and nervous. Snape allowed the faintest of smiles to show across his cold and calculating face.  
“So it is ‘we’ then?”  
“This is not at all a sure thing,” Hermione recovered her composure, grabbed her pile of wood and started back up towards camp. Snape followed quickly behind.  
“Minerva is a sure thing. And if you could get the Weasley girl, that would be four.”  
“Just...let me think about it.”

Tonight’s tribal council may not be as grim as he expected.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I wrote this in one sitting at 3AM and I hope when I wake up tomorrow it’s not a piece of shit! This fic was inspired by a sporcle quiz I found where the quiz designer had divided a bunch of Harry Potter characters into different “tribes” and you had to guess who got voted off each turn based on different clues. As a long-time HP fan, and a new Survivor fan, I loved this idea and felt like it could be expanded into an entire story... well a drabble anyways. 
> 
> I’m a college student with more important things to do then labor over my Harry Potter x Survivor crossover fic lol so please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes or bad writing in general.  
Anyways, hope you enjoy it!


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